I have heard this first one before, but it will bear another look:

One morning a husband returns to his lake cabin after several hours
of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the
lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short
distance, anchors, and reads her book, enjoying the peace and quiet.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the
woman and says, “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.
“I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start  at
any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says  the
woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you  could
start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads; it is likely she can also
think.

And one more, from Selina, that is a hoot:

The Good-bye Letter

A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped
up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst
premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling
hands.

“Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing’s, tattoos,
her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it’s not only t! he passion… Dad she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we
will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of
firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more
children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the
fact that marijuana doesn’t, really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for
ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don’t
worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure
we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, your son, John.

PS.  Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
card that’s in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for
me to come home.