Comments on: Another One Bites the Dust http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/ rants, raves and talks about stuff Thu, 17 May 2012 23:37:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Melanie http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-102 Melanie Sat, 22 Apr 2006 12:03:15 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-102 I have enjoyed reading all the posts. This breakup hit me hard in a way. They just seemed so happy together and were married for quite awhile. I did see a picture of Stephanie Heaton and I was also suprised at how unattractive she was in comparison, although affairs (yes, I feel this was an affair) really are never about looks, IMO. My husband would never do something like this to me, although I think he on some level expects some guy to come along and take ME away, as he often makes joking references to my "boyfriend". But we also are strictly NO friendships of the opposite sex. I do not even engage in casual social conversations. Work related only, unless my husband is there. I see married men in my office lurking around single women, buying them lunch and doing all sorts of things and socializing, and I think it is just completely wrong and it is just being careless with and disrespectful to their marriage. I have enjoyed reading all the posts. This breakup hit me hard in a way. They just seemed so happy together and were married for quite awhile. I did see a picture of Stephanie Heaton and I was also suprised at how unattractive she was in comparison, although affairs (yes, I feel this was an affair) really are never about looks, IMO. My husband would never do something like this to me, although I think he on some level expects some guy to come along and take ME away, as he often makes joking references to my “boyfriend”. But we also are strictly NO friendships of the opposite sex. I do not even engage in casual social conversations. Work related only, unless my husband is there. I see married men in my office lurking around single women, buying them lunch and doing all sorts of things and socializing, and I think it is just completely wrong and it is just being careless with and disrespectful to their marriage.

]]> By: Christina http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-73 Christina Fri, 17 Feb 2006 21:31:39 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-73 Oh that would be rough. I imagine that it is a non issue between you both really as it is between us, because we know what happens, and choose not to put ourselves in that position. At least I do. I feel funny speaking for him now as he will no doubt read this. LOL But I do feel a little sad for your husband, I bet that really affected his trust of the human race as a whole. What an awful position to find yourself in, awful from so many angles. You take care too...we will see if Mr. Marshall will chime in over the weekend, if not, then it has been a joy talking to you, and all the best to you and your family. :) Oh that would be rough. I imagine that it is a non issue between you both really as it is between us, because we know what happens, and choose not to put ourselves in that position. At least I do. I feel funny speaking for him now as he will no doubt read this. LOL But I do feel a little sad for your husband, I bet that really affected his trust of the human race as a whole. What an awful position to find yourself in, awful from so many angles.

You take care too…we will see if Mr. Marshall will chime in over the weekend, if not, then it has been a joy talking to you, and all the best to you and your family. :)

]]> By: franksgurl http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-72 franksgurl Fri, 17 Feb 2006 21:01:50 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-72 Oh I hope your husband does say a few words about this. It would be nice to get a man's perspective on it. When I met my husband he was just divorcing his first wife. Condensed version is he came home early in the middle of a night shift because he was sick with flu...to find his BEST FRIEND sound asleep in his bed next to his wife. I think that's why my husband to this day has no close male friends. He luncheons with the guys at work and on weekends we socialize with other couples...my friends and their men, but otherwise he just doesn't have much going on socially outside the realm of work and our marriage. I guess that's why the topic of opposite-sex friends has never been an issue for us. I think we both subconsciously avoid it. In fact it never occurred to me to have men friends...it just seems inappropriate, but I'm not sure why. Maybe because men are always ogling me so I just can't see being friends with another man. I'd love to hear what Dr. Phill would say about it. lol On another note I saw some new pics on-line of Heather and her daughter. She looks absolutely radiant and is in fact glowing. I remember seeing pics of her last fall and thinking she wasn't looking her usual bubbly-happy self. Now I guess we know why. It must have been an incredible relief to finally get it out in the open and now be able to work towards putting an end to the suspicions and hurt feelings. I remember how sickenly awful I felt when that co-worker of my husband's was sticking her nose where it didn't belong. The mind is a dangerous weapon if it has no outlet. Take care for now, Christina. I'll check back periodically for messages and I'll keep up with the Sambora/Locklear saga as it unfolds. Do encourage your hubby to post. Oh I hope your husband does say a few words about this. It would be nice to get a man’s perspective on it. When I met my husband he was just divorcing his first wife. Condensed version is he came home early in the middle of a night shift because he was sick with flu…to find his BEST FRIEND sound asleep in his bed next to his wife. I think that’s why my husband to this day has no close male friends. He luncheons with the guys at work and on weekends we socialize with other couples…my friends and their men, but otherwise he just doesn’t have much going on socially outside the realm of work and our marriage. I guess that’s why the topic of opposite-sex friends has never been an issue for us. I think we both subconsciously avoid it. In fact it never occurred to me to have men friends…it just seems inappropriate, but I’m not sure why. Maybe because men are always ogling me so I just can’t see being friends with another man. I’d love to hear what Dr. Phill would say about it. lol

On another note I saw some new pics on-line of Heather and her daughter. She looks absolutely radiant and is in fact glowing. I remember seeing pics of her last fall and thinking she wasn’t looking her usual bubbly-happy self. Now I guess we know why. It must have been an incredible relief to finally get it out in the open and now be able to work towards putting an end to the suspicions and hurt feelings. I remember how sickenly awful I felt when that co-worker of my husband’s was sticking her nose where it didn’t belong. The mind is a dangerous weapon if it has no outlet.

Take care for now, Christina. I’ll check back periodically for messages and I’ll keep up with the Sambora/Locklear saga as it unfolds. Do encourage your hubby to post.

]]> By: Christina http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-71 Christina Fri, 17 Feb 2006 05:51:15 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-71 I sure hope you never have to go through it either, it is not fun. But, yes, that is what I am saying, and that is where, admittedly, my feelings on things differ from a lot of other people. It is not something that I like to think about, but yes, as long as the love was still there, and it was an affair of the "other head" rather than of the heart, I would not find it terribly difficult to forgive and forget. Just don't go sharing your heart with someone else, that I couldn't bear. To me, the devastating part of an affair is the part where you have lied to your partner and confided in someone else things that are normally shared between you and your partner. The body is just that, a body, the heart and soul are so very much more. IMHO, of course. I told my hubby we were talking about this here, and was hoping he would find the time to chime in, maybe he will get to it this weekend. He feels the same way I do, but I would venture to say that he would have a harder time forgetting my affair than I would his. I think. He may differ in his opinion. In fact he probably will - he is just that way. LOL ;) I am enjoying the conversation too, Franksgurl, I appreciate your thoughts and experience. And lets hope that Heather and Richie can work things out, they seemed like the perfect couple!!! I sure hope you never have to go through it either, it is not fun. But, yes, that is what I am saying, and that is where, admittedly, my feelings on things differ from a lot of other people. It is not something that I like to think about, but yes, as long as the love was still there, and it was an affair of the “other head” rather than of the heart, I would not find it terribly difficult to forgive and forget. Just don’t go sharing your heart with someone else, that I couldn’t bear. To me, the devastating part of an affair is the part where you have lied to your partner and confided in someone else things that are normally shared between you and your partner. The body is just that, a body, the heart and soul are so very much more. IMHO, of course.

I told my hubby we were talking about this here, and was hoping he would find the time to chime in, maybe he will get to it this weekend. He feels the same way I do, but I would venture to say that he would have a harder time forgetting my affair than I would his. I think. He may differ in his opinion. In fact he probably will - he is just that way. LOL ;)
I am enjoying the conversation too, Franksgurl, I appreciate your thoughts and experience. And lets hope that Heather and Richie can work things out, they seemed like the perfect couple!!!

]]> By: franksgurl http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-70 franksgurl Fri, 17 Feb 2006 05:38:47 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-70 Christina, are you saying that it would be easier for you to work through a sexual affair as opposed to an emotional one? I think I'd find either one equally intolerable. In fact if my husband had sex with another woman I don't think I could stand to have him near me again. Just the thought alone of him swapping bodily fluids with someone else is a total turn-off. Not to mention I'd be afraid to have relations with him again in fear of having some ungodly sexually transmitted creepies invading my body. To tell you the truth I'm pretty certain whether my husband had an emotional or physical affair I'd leave him either way. I pray to God I'll never be in the position of having to deal with that situation. I'm sorry to hear you and Pat have both gone through it. I keep checking for follow-up stories on Heather and Ritchie, but to no avail. In the meantime tho I enjoy discussing this topic with you...and anyone else who happens to chime in. Christina, are you saying that it would be easier for you to work through a sexual affair as opposed to an emotional one? I think I’d find either one equally intolerable. In fact if my husband had sex with another woman I don’t think I could stand to have him near me again. Just the thought alone of him swapping bodily fluids with someone else is a total turn-off. Not to mention I’d be afraid to have relations with him again in fear of having some ungodly sexually transmitted creepies invading my body. To tell you the truth I’m pretty certain whether my husband had an emotional or physical affair I’d leave him either way. I pray to God I’ll never be in the position of having to deal with that situation. I’m sorry to hear you and Pat have both gone through it.

I keep checking for follow-up stories on Heather and Ritchie, but to no avail. In the meantime tho I enjoy discussing this topic with you…and anyone else who happens to chime in.

]]> By: Christina http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-69 Christina Fri, 17 Feb 2006 03:16:53 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-69 I'm sorry, I think you misunderstood me totally. I meant that an emotional breech of trust is much worse on a relationship and much more difficult to work through, and for me would be very nearly impossible to forgive and forget. And yes, I have been through both situations myself as well. I am not just speaking from hearsay, this is what I feel and what I have learned in my life. I’m sorry, I think you misunderstood me totally. I meant that an emotional breech of trust is much worse on a relationship and much more difficult to work through, and for me would be very nearly impossible to forgive and forget. And yes, I have been through both situations myself as well. I am not just speaking from hearsay, this is what I feel and what I have learned in my life.

]]> By: Pat http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-68 Pat Thu, 16 Feb 2006 23:35:28 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-68 Anyone who claims that emotional affairs are a different breech of trust than a physical one has never had to learn the truth about it first-hand. My previous husband had a long time emotional affair with another woman and it completely devastated me. It didn't even matter that he didn't have sex with her. Just the thought of him sharing that inner most of part of him with her while he carried on the charade of a happily married man with children killed me. He may as well have slept with her because I lost complete trust in him as it was. Whether it's emotional or physical the trust has been breached. Period. I know. He betrayed me and I couldn't deal with it. There was no working through it. And I'm not alone with my feelings about it. I joined a support group and surprisingly alot of the people there were in the same boat as me. Trying to come to terms with a spouse who had had an emotional affair. A breech of trust is a breech of trust. How it happened is inconsequential. Anyone who claims that emotional affairs are a different breech of trust than a physical one has never had to learn the truth about it first-hand. My previous husband had a long time emotional affair with another woman and it completely devastated me. It didn’t even matter that he didn’t have sex with her. Just the thought of him sharing that inner most of part of him with her while he carried on the charade of a happily married man with children killed me. He may as well have slept with her because I lost complete trust in him as it was. Whether it’s emotional or physical the trust has been breached. Period. I know. He betrayed me and I couldn’t deal with it. There was no working through it. And I’m not alone with my feelings about it. I joined a support group and surprisingly alot of the people there were in the same boat as me. Trying to come to terms with a spouse who had had an emotional affair. A breech of trust is a breech of trust. How it happened is inconsequential.

]]> By: Christina http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-67 Christina Thu, 16 Feb 2006 22:49:24 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-67 You are definitely right about not all men being that way, I was indeed referring to it in much more of a general term. I have known quite a few women who have been in lifelong marriages, and I hate to say it, but each and every one of them have confided in me over the years (as their manicurist..LOL) that their husbands had strayed at some point or another and they were able to work through the infidelity. That is much from where my feelings originated. Again, a "love" affair is an entirely different breech of trust in my opinion than a sexual one. You are definitely right about not all men being that way, I was indeed referring to it in much more of a general term. I have known quite a few women who have been in lifelong marriages, and I hate to say it, but each and every one of them have confided in me over the years (as their manicurist..LOL) that their husbands had strayed at some point or another and they were able to work through the infidelity. That is much from where my feelings originated. Again, a “love” affair is an entirely different breech of trust in my opinion than a sexual one.

]]> By: franksgurl http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-66 franksgurl Thu, 16 Feb 2006 22:32:13 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-66 I guess what it boils down to is we'll never know for certain exactly how we'd react to infidelity unless we came face-to-face with it. We may react opposite of what we think we'd do. I worked with a woman who was quite liberal in her thinking where her relationships with men were concerned. She claimed it didn't bother her if the guy had dinner with female friends or spent weekends hiking or whatever with the female friends that she was excluded from. That is till she met "Mr. Right". She then suddenly found herself feeling very uncomfortable and insecure about those types of situations and could no longer handle it. I'm going to assume when you said that if you dangle candy in front of them they're going to bite...that you didn't mean every man in every situation. I'm thinking you meant that in a general term. I think it really depends on the guy. My husband is actually quite shy around other women and his sex drive's a little on the low side, compared to mine...and he just never seems interested in what's going on with other women. Yet I've known guys who are just plain horny perves with no scruples whatsoever who would jump at every and any opportunity regardless of what their relationship situation was...good or bad. Not all men will stray, but I'm sure alot of them do. I'm thinking that if I ever knew for CERTAIN that my husband had an affair...that it would be over for us. Trust is very difficult to rebuild. I guess what it boils down to is we’ll never know for certain exactly how we’d react to infidelity unless we came face-to-face with it. We may react opposite of what we think we’d do. I worked with a woman who was quite liberal in her thinking where her relationships with men were concerned. She claimed it didn’t bother her if the guy had dinner with female friends or spent weekends hiking or whatever with the female friends that she was excluded from. That is till she met “Mr. Right”. She then suddenly found herself feeling very uncomfortable and insecure about those types of situations and could no longer handle it.

I’m going to assume when you said that if you dangle candy in front of them they’re going to bite…that you didn’t mean every man in every situation. I’m thinking you meant that in a general term. I think it really depends on the guy. My husband is actually quite shy around other women and his sex drive’s a little on the low side, compared to mine…and he just never seems interested in what’s going on with other women. Yet I’ve known guys who are just plain horny perves with no scruples whatsoever who would jump at every and any opportunity regardless of what their relationship situation was…good or bad. Not all men will stray, but I’m sure alot of them do. I’m thinking that if I ever knew for CERTAIN that my husband had an affair…that it would be over for us. Trust is very difficult to rebuild.

]]> By: CC Jones http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/comment-page-1/#comment-65 CC Jones Thu, 16 Feb 2006 21:45:13 +0000 http://www.christinacjones.com/2006/02/08/another-one-bites-the-dust/#comment-65 Oh I don't mean anything other than what I stated in the post, that I personally don't see infidelity as necessarily an automatic "deal-breaker," for me anyway - assuming it is a sexual relationship only rather than an emotional one. I guess I have a pretty one sided view, like I also said before, that if you dangle candy in front of them, they are going to bite. I think it is a natural instinct for them, and a very very strong one that is nearly impossible to defeat. You both are very right in the way that you believe that "keeping them out of the candy store" is a very good thing. I agree, it must have been a bad scene in the Sambora household for her to so abruptly call things off. I feel sad for the whole family, from appearances, they had a really good thing going. Oh I don’t mean anything other than what I stated in the post, that I personally don’t see infidelity as necessarily an automatic “deal-breaker,” for me anyway - assuming it is a sexual relationship only rather than an emotional one. I guess I have a pretty one sided view, like I also said before, that if you dangle candy in front of them, they are going to bite. I think it is a natural instinct for them, and a very very strong one that is nearly impossible to defeat. You both are very right in the way that you believe that “keeping them out of the candy store” is a very good thing.

I agree, it must have been a bad scene in the Sambora household for her to so abruptly call things off. I feel sad for the whole family, from appearances, they had a really good thing going.

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