I am not sure why I deal with people sometimes. I moderate the FlyingInTexas group at YahooGroups, which is a statewide hub for followers of Flylady.net. I know it sounds a bit cultish, but Flylady has really made a huge difference in my life in regards to getting off my duff and getting organized and really making some worthwhile changes in my life. She is very positive and has no tolerance for negativity and whining.
ANYWAY, there is a member of our group that is a young widow of 5 years. The anniversary of her husbands death is this Sunday. Every year (this is the 3rd year), she starts in before Thanksgiving about how wretched and horrible the holidays are, and how she is glad that we are all so happy, but she is miserable because her husband is dead. It truly is very sad, but it goes on incessantly through Valentines day. When I say incessantly, I mean incessantly. It goes on all year long, but is especially intense through the entire holiday season. Over the years we have had countless people leave our group because of it. Well the first year, anyway. The last 2 years we have wisened up and put her posts on moderation just before Thanksgiving so we can delete the depressing ones before they come out to the group. And boy does she get mad and just spit venom at me every chance she gets. She tries to slip every jab she can into her posts, so I have to read each one very carefully before it goes through.
She thinks I am some wretched, insensitive bitch, but I wish she would see how hard we try, or have tried, to convince her that she has got to take all of this grief in a healthier direction. Her mother recently passed away, and I feel so bad for her, but I just can’t even explain how negative she is. She also recently found out she has a lump in her breast. She mixes up the grief and the breast problem and anything else she has to complain about in one post and then gets angry when “everyone but her can get support from the people in this group.” The only reason we haven’t kicked her out of the group is that we know that this is a life thread for her. She needs to let it go and get a real life, but so far, it isn’t happening. So year after year we coddle her, and I guess through moderating her and responding to her angered letters, we are showing her the attention that she needs. I have such a hard time with holding a grudge against her from last year, when MY husband was fighting for his life through the holidays and I had to deal with her. I wish she could see that we care, and I surely do wish she would get some professional help because it really gets to me every year. I really do feel terrible for her, but geez. I can’t stand someone who won’t help themselves. And it is impossible to do anything to help them.
6 Responses to “People drive me insane sometimes”
- 1 Pingback on Jan 5th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
Hi,
I am new to your site, it’s a great, comforting place to be and I love Flylady. This person you speak of in last post PDMIS definately needs professional help. It sounds to me as if she needs attention more than anything else.
I hope she will find a way to move forward. Maybe she should watch Oprah. lol
Oh Kim, you have no idea… We have tried everything we could try to be her friend and support her and nothing was ever enough. My best girlfriend would call her a psychic vampire, she really could suck the life out of you. Funny thing is, out of our group of 200 people, not ONE soul has said a word (we sent out an email yesterday morning immediately after banning her), I have gotten 2 kudos emails, and our membership count is increasing. I think this was a tremendously good move, though a really hard one to make, and maybe it will knock the person in question to wherever place she must be to seek help. She needs it so badly.
Hi Christina,
How does all of this make you feel? You seem a bit conflicted, as in…you wanted to be supportive, but it became too much. It sounds as if it was a little against your instincts to have to do what you did because you seem like such a warm and supportive person.
You know what might be a fun idea? Help her to create her own blog: i.e., “Misery hates company”…this way she can try to attract like-minded folks and perhaps in the process she will help others?
KB
Oh it was horrible, really one of the most emotionally difficult things I have ever had to do. She started another FLYing group for grieving people last year, with our encouragement, but honestly, she is so negative that no one really wants to be around her, I dont think. I think she has now closed her group. She does have another one though, with people in it, that is somewhat active though. Really, we have done everything we could to help, she refuses to help herself. She needs a professional at this point. She is way past Oprah or anything a non professional can do I think.
I think the best you can do is leave this alone, but maybe keep an eye on her from the distance. Not to be rude, but she does sound like a bit of a train wreck. And the interesting thing about this is that your sites, and Flylady’s site are so uplifting, you would think it would have rubbed off.
Hey…I had to share this with you…I think you are brining me good Karma…moments after I posted my previous note to you, I got a call from a fancy/schmancy dog groomer out in L.A. who wants to place a big honkin’ order with me. So thanks! LOL